-I imagine one
of the fears was — ’cause, obviously, like,
people were gonna film it — like, this might
be one of those — It could live on
in the Internet. Like, you also
have that pressure. -That’s right.
We’re in the future now. -Yeah, right.
-And everything is computer. -Yes.
-You know, and computer rules. So, I was like — Okay. There’s two things I’m obsessed
with on the Internet that are, like,
painful for others but I can’t stop watching them. One is —
[ Chuckles ] Sorry.
[ Laughter ] I can’t even think about it
without laughing. Failed productions
of local Peter Pans. -Yeah.
-[ Chuckles ] Where someone backstage
pulls the wrong rope and just, like, Wendy gets
ripped out of her bed. -[ Laughs ]
-Truly bad karma, but I can’t stop watching it, and there really is one
where Wendy gets ripped out, and then she is,
like, in character, and she’s like, “Oooh!” [ Laughter ]
And, like, goes back to bed. But, anyway,
then there’s this other thing that I’m obsessed with,
which is brides that sing original songs to their grooms. -Uh-huh. Oh, wow. -Because it’s like
a one-on-one thing, and there’s one video
where it’s a bride. She goes down the stairs,
and she sings a song. It, like, actually
hurts me to remember it, but I am addicted to it. And she’s like… ♪ Mm, Kevin, we are getting
married to each other ♪ ♪ Right now! ♪ And he’s like… [ Laughter ] And he — [ Laughs ] He has to stand there
and be like, “Yes, baby. You are the best singer.
You are so beautiful.” And she’s like,
♪ Our parents are there ♪ ♪ Judy and Bill,
and there is my aunt ♪ You know, it’s just
like whatever, -[ Laughs ] -So you — -I don’t want to
just be in her face being like, “You are
graduating today.” You know? So, I had to play it real cool. -I have written a song called
“First in Your Class”. -Yeah. That would have been a cool leap if I had made it
a musical number and not told her…
-Yeah. -…and just shown up
on that island. It was in a tiny church. and just been like,
“And a one and a two…” [ Laughs ]
-‘Cause I will say, My biggest fear in life
is someone singing a song directly to me.
-Oh, yeah. -That is the worst thing
in the world. -Ugh! I can’t imagine it. I mean, I guess that’s why
I watch that on the Internet, all the time, just to, like, condition myself in case I’m just
in my house one day, and someone’s like,
♪ We’re in the kitchen ♪ I’m just like, “Aaaah!
I don’t want it. I don’t want it.” -So, this is your… -[ Laughs ]
-Congratulations. That’s so awesome.
-Thank you. It was okay. It was great.
-There is a photo, too. This is in the Vineyard Gazette. -[ Chuckling ] Yeah.
-A newspaper that I’ve — I’ve read the Vineyard Gazette. -Yeah?
Do you remember last year — Now we’re a little off topic, but they had a story
about how a bird called the blue-footed booby, like,
landed on someone’s boat, and it made the newspaper. -Yeah.
-You know? That’s what’s going on. -My father-in-law had
a pet goat that died, and it got on obituary, like,
longer than a president’s. [ Laughter ] They, like, interviewed other
people in, like, rememb– Like, “What did you
think of Raisin?” They’re like, “Well,
you know, he’s like… He was like most goats,
but I guess we’ll miss him.” -Oh, man. I’m super sorry to hear
about the goat, though. -Thank you.
-[ Chuckles ] -It was weird when he died
that I didn’t hear from you. -Yeah, yeah.
I don’t know. I have a really bad personality. -So, this was in
the Vineyard Gazette. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-You and Gwen. Are you happy with the photo? -Look, Gwen looks great. I want to go on record.
Gwen, you look great. My feeling about this photo — and I can’t believe I’m gonna
do this on television — but another fear of mine,
besides brides with microphones, is this thing that
one of my friends calls “adult head spread.”
-[ Laughs ] Okay. -I call it pumpkin head. It’s this feeling that
once you get into adulthood, your head becomes,
like, a lot bigger — like, you just can’t control it. Like, you just get
adult head spread. And I saw that in the newspaper, and I was like,
“What is this year of me finding stuff out
in the newspaper that’s, like, terrible.” And I just think it might be
the start of head spread. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] -And I’m also like,
you know… “Did I really need to wear
a big chunky sweater?” But that’s for another show.
-It does feel like local — -It feels like a local girl meets an out-of-towner
afraid of ticks. -Yeah, that’s right. That’s what it was.
That’s what it was. -This is your second time
playing in… “The Secret Life of Pets 2”
-Yes. -This is a very pampered dog.
I think you can tell. -Yes, Gidget. -Are you pampered in real life?
-You know what? I’m not pampered at all.
-Really? -And I was saying —
I was hoping just before I came here
to just even get, like, a lip wax.
[ Laughter ] Like, I’m out of
the mani-pedi game. It’s over.
-Really? Fully out? -Yeah, I’m just really… [ Laughter ] Wild and free.
-You’re with the ticks now. You’re running
with the ticks now. -Yeah. Oh, yeah. I live on a peninsula with my boyfriend
in Massachusetts, and we just, like,
check each other for ticks. That’s my chosen life. I like it.
-Thanks so much for coming back.